To be or not to be?

I don't know about you but sometimes I just don't know how to articulate how I'm feeling...whats in my heart... or going on in my mind. It would be nice to be able to say exactly what I need to say... or do exactly what I need to do... or be exactly who I need to be. I may be a bit transparent I hope you don't mind. Now don't get me wrong I know who I am. Now do I go through brief periods of time having difficulty seeing that always? Of coarse... but I have to believe that God finishes what He starts. I am a work in progress... not only that I am HIS work in progress. I think sometimes we forget that we don't have to have it all figured out...if we did then why would we need God? We forget that we belong to the all powerful, all knowing (guess what He knows everything therefore He will never be disappointed in you because He already knew what He was getting into) and always loving God. God is good. He wont let me or you sink. He wont cast us to the side. Instead He will be with us everywhere we go. In the dry, lonely, fearful places He is there. When you feel lost or forgotten He still knows exactly where you are. When I think about this all I can say is there is a peace that surpasses any understanding I could ever keep. That even in my lack God is still abundant. Though my flesh is weak my spirit is willing. (I think this is a good segue into the next topic on my heart)

A few weeks ago the Holy Spirit asked me a question during a sermon. The pastor was preaching about being strong. Standing for what God says to be true and not being ashamed of the Gospel. It was a good word but what stirred in me that night...and obviously weeks later still echoing in my mind is this question...

"ARE YOU TRYING TO DO CHURCH OR BE THE CHURCH? "

Something a wise women embedded in me in my days of serving as an intern was this... God calls us to be human beings not human doings. Our nature wants to perform and please people. But God wants us to be led by His Spirit and obedient. Its so easy to do the Christian norms...and lose the heart behind it. We come to church, put on our happy faces and forget the real reason we are there. We are His bride. We are called to be His chosen one. That's not something we can imitate but instead we have to arise into our chosen place...

A good friend of mine will be getting married this summer. I cant wait! I already know she is going to be the most beautiful bride. When she was dress shopping she found the perfect dress. She fell in love after she put it on...but decided to try on a few more just for good measure. There was another bride-to-be interested in the same dress. Kindly my friend let her try it on secretly fuming inside at the thought of someone else wearing her wedding dress. It makes me smile to imagine her getting ready to... well do whatever she has to do to get her dress off that girls body. Ill let you imagine the possibilities. Anyways back to my point...my friend knew exactly what was meant to be hers. Even though she took some time to try on others they just weren't right. She would have stopped at nothing to get her dress back and to not see another person wearing what was meant to be hers. I say all this because we so often trade our perfect dress for something not exactly right. Ladies we all know we don't want to be walking down the aisle thinking I wish I would have gotten that other dress. In the same way what about your life. Bride of Christ one day we all will be walking down the aisle what are you wearing? What God perfected just for you or something less than that? Are you caught up in imitating something; settling for second best or being exactly who you are supposed to be? Think about it. :) Don't be afraid to fight for what is meant to be yours! Life and life abundantly is what Jesus came to give freely to His bride. Be His church

Wonderul things!

This last weekend I journeyed to Portland, OR with my bestest of friends! I was... wonderful!

We went all over the city of Portland... Not because we wanted to see every square inch of it... but we got lost a couple times... we made the best of it! In search of a great coffee shop we got soaked walking in the rain. We rode the MAX everywhere...missed a few stops. Strangers were nice.

Portland this time of year is incredible!!! I love fall...and that city! They are perfect together!  

The purpose of the trip was to see the one and only Ingrid Michaelson in concert! It was amazing! Not only because she is my favorite and has written the soundtrack of my life... but because of her talent and wit! I loved it! I can't wait to go to another one of her concerts and maybe even one day she will sing at my wedding lol!

It was a great weekend! It ended with church at City Bible. Pastor Frank preached on prayer and how big God is. There are no limitations in prayer! And guess what... we have enormous possibilities in Him! It's inside of each and everyone of us... we just need to tap into the power and hope He has given us!

Maybe I'm made more...faithful

Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthenyour heart; Wait,  bI say, on the LORD!

~ Psalm 27:14

I love the fall! The crisp chill in the air...the colors...pumpkin spice lattes. It's the season I wait all year for! I feel blessed to live in a city where it faithfully comes every September. Fall reminds me of the changes that come with every season we walk through.We have to go through one to get to the next. It's amazing. We all are waiting for a that special big season to come. We all want to move on to the next thing. But maybe for this season we can all just stop and love where we are. Appriciate what God is doing. See beauty in the unexpected. It all has purpose. Let's just wait...be still...and trust in Jesus.

Faithful by Brooke Fraser

There's distance in the air and I cannot make it leave

i wave my arms' round about me and blow with all my might

I cannot sense you close, though I know you're always here

But the comfort of you near is what i long for

When I can't feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same

When I can't hear you, I know you still hear everyword I pray

And i want you more than i want to live another day

And as I wait for you maybe I'm made more faithful

All the folly of the past, though I know it is undone

i still feel the guilty one, still trying to make it right

So i whisper soft your name, let it roll around my tounge,

knowing you're the only one who knows me

You know me

Show me how I should live this

Show me where I should walk

I count this world as loss to me

You are all I want

You are all I want

Twenty-four

Twenty-four

I am twenty-four

Bibical meaning for twenty-four- heavenly worship

Psalm 24

" The earth is the LORD’s, and all its fullness,

The world and those who dwell therein.

 For He has founded it upon the seas,

And established it upon the waters.

Who may ascend into the hill of the LORD?

Or who may stand in His holy place?

He who has clean hands and a pure heart,

Who has not lifted up his soul to an idol,

Nor sworn deceitfully.

He shall receive blessing from the LORD,

And righteousness from the God of his salvation.

This is Jacob, the generation of those who seek Him
Who seek Your face.

Lift up your heads, O you gates!

And be lifted up, you everlasting doors!
And the King of glory shall come in.

Who is this King of glory?

The LORD strong and mighty,

The LORD mighty in battle.

Lift up your heads, O you gates!

Lift up, you everlasting doors!

And the King of glory shall come in.

Who is this King of glory?
The LORD of hosts,

He is the King of glory. Selah

Twenty-four elders (redeemed men) in heaven I imagine singing "Holy, Holy, Holy..."

 A year of worship. Here I am... God let's go!

Friendships

Today friendships have been on my mind... So I thought I'd blog about it. Get my thoughts and a bit of wisdom down for you to read. Enjoy.

First I would like to say I am incredibly blessed! I have amazing friendships! I have a handful of people in my life that I know will always be in my life. We all have people that we love and know for a season and then we have the ones that are there for every season. The ones that grow along with you. No matter what you do, how far the separation, or who else you are friends with these special people will always be in a place in your heart ordained by God. These friendships are effortless. You don't have to force them even in times of sharpening and conflict. (those are the things that will make your friendship better)

MC and I have been through so much together!
MC you always encourage and love me! Thanks for being there

I have know these girls for basically my whole life! April you will always be my best friend!
You are the perfect man for me ;)
 Cara you make me laugh and get me like no one else!!!

Got sexylove? There's never a dull moment with us!
Jennae you are forever my beloved!

Romey and Michelle can make it through anything!
Sara you always make me smile I miss our crazy laughter! 

"Friendships don't just "happen," but the best ones seem to fall into place right from the start, naturally and easily, as if they were always meant to be."

To all my single ladies

Cherish the season you are in!

...it's for a reason.

 I know the majority of us have lived our lives dreaming on that perfect man for us. We think of all the little things we want in someone...Wit, integrity, good looks, charm, vision, character, style, and the list goes on...and on. I believe God puts those desires in us but we tend to take them and run with them... but why? I know the fairytale seems so much better than the lives we actually have... but wouldn't it be wonderful to love the life we have. To be satisfied with what God wants. To trust in that scripture... yes I'm going to throw it out there... you have probably heard this 1000 times when it comes to all your dreams and desires for that "perfect man" ...

"Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart" -Psalm 37:4

It's such a good scripture... and is so TRUE but you know what I like more...
what God says before...and after that. We tend to focus on what we want to hear instead of what really brings rest to our souls.

Proverbs 37:3 states "Trust in the LORD, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. 
I feel the Lord say "feed on My faithfulness... put all your hope in Me... look to me... stop making everything a performance... to be honest when I hear delight yourself in the Lord most of the time I automatically think "I have to read my Bible more... pray twice as much... have every waking thought be something about God... DELIGHT DELIGHT DELIGHT! ...with joy of coarse :)" God wants us to trust Him. Trust is a product of a relationship where you know you are loved. Do you know (in your heart) that God loves you? Because if/when you do trust in Him feeding on His faithfulness will be more than enough. True delight will come.

...now moving onto Psalm 37:5 "Commit your way to the LORD, And trust in Him, and He shall bring it to pass." Again it says trust in Him... so really trust that God will bring every one of Your desires to pass. It's not something you have to make happen. Finding that perfect guy... it will come in the right season. Don't try to make it happen because you'll lose sight of what God is doing in you right now. Commit yourself to God's will. It's so much better than what we would give ourselves. Just like you... I'm a single lady and I stand in faith that God wants to give me a man far better than what I would pick for myself. So I just want to live my life... trust in God... it's far better than anything else. True delight isn't a bunch of works... but it's trust in the One who wants to love you more that anyone else. So let Him!!!!

By Faith

"It was by faith that Abraham obeyed when God called him to leave home and go to another land that God would give him as his inheritance. He went without knowing where he was going." - Hebrews 11:8

"The journey of the man who would become know as Abraham is a paradigm of all authentic faith. His is a movement into obscurity, into the undefined, into ambiguity, and not into some predetermined, clearly delineated plan for the future. Each future determination, each next step discloses itself only out of a discernment of the influence of God in the present moment. The reality of life for Christian men and women requires that they leave what is nailed down, obvious, and secure, and walk into the desert without rational explanations to justify their decision or guarantee their future. Why? Solely and simple because God signals this movement and offers it His promise... For contemporary Christians, there is an essential difference between belief and faith. Our religious beliefs are the visible expression of our faith, our personal commitment to the person of Jesus.- Brennen Manning (The Signature of Jesus)

As i was reading this I couldn't help but think of my dear friend Ashley Leir. If you know her you would know in less than a week she will be moving across the country. Leaving all that she knows and entering into what Brennen Manning calls "His promise". If you know Ashley you would also know how incrediable she is! Her love and passion for Jesus is infectious, she's always the life of a party, and has a heart as big as my booty ;) Ashley, I love you! Thank you for always putting a smile of my face and being someone who inspires me to love Jesus more! You have been an amazing friend!!!

Taking the active step in faith we all are on the journey to what God is promising us. We may not see it right away. We all need to believe (to be established) that what God has for us is greater than anything we can do or someone else can do for us. If you are in the darkest valley, the driest desert, or on the highest mountain top let God be the one leading you. Have faith that He is your strength and joy. Where He is taking you will be worth the hard times.

"But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence." Jeremiah 17:7

My ocean and me

 

I think I figured it out... We need to be together, Like the shore and the sea.  We are not one thing... We're drawn here together My ocean and me.- Jon Foreman

God is my ocean... His waves crash over me. I need Him... if He wasn't there I'd have no purpose... I'd just be dried up sand thirsting for water to come and fulfill my dreams. 

JOY

"So the ransomed of the LORD shall return, And come to Zion with singing, with everlasting joy on their heads. They shall obtain joy and gladness; sorrow and sighing shall flee away." - Isaiah 51:11

...mmm so good...

 I decided to spontaneously  write today... not knowing what but knowing I have stuff that needs to come out of me. So naturally not knowing what I was going to talk about I decided to play the "what are You saying God?' game... we all have done it... you know the one where you close your eyes open your Bible to a random page and then point.  So I read what was under my finger in hopes I would find a bit a wisdom and encouragement...

I find myself asking the question what is true joy?...

the opposite of sorrow... a treasure... a fruit of the Spirit... a character trait... a gift... a choice. 

I'll be honest sometimes I feel like joy is something I try to have instead of something I'm reaping. But then I'm reminded that we were the joy set before Jesus as He hung on the cross... How can this be? As He was paying for us who were the RANSOMED because of our sin... we were still His joy. 

So I guess what Im saying is... wherever you are... if you don't exactly feel the joy... know that if you don't know pain you will never fully understand how great the true joy is. We all walk through seasons of pain, heartbreak, and loss. Jesus did... but joy was His strength, so no matter what let joy be yours even if it seems far away. Believe that it is God making a way in you to go deeper to experience Him in greater measure. 

 

Jesus is amazing!

Do you ever really think about why Jesus is so amazing... like really really REALLY think about it? If anyone reads this... then Im guessing you are probably someone who could give me a very spiritual/Biblically correct answer... and thats ok... but I guess why I'm writing this is because lately God has been stretching my perspectives and shifting some paradigms that I have about the King of Glory, the Lion & the Lamb, Son of God, Son of man, the bread of Life... Christ Jesus my Lord and Savior. 

Recently I have been longing for understanding and sharpening. I have been blessed to come across an amazing author who by his testimony and life experience that he so transparently shared in a few of his books given me that. (if you follow me on twitter you have probably seen a few quotes I have tweeted from him)

But anyways back to Jesus...

So what do you think about Jesus? God has been showing me how much we truly need Jesus. Without Jesus we have absolutely 110% NO hope. Apart from Him we would not know forgiveness, freedom, and most importantly love. It's crazy to me! Even though God created us, named us, knows the count of every hair on our heads... we would NOT know this love if it weren't for Jesus.  In Phillipians 3:8 Paul says this,

"Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them rubbish, that I may gain Christ."

My heart leaps when Paul says I count all things loss for the EXCELLENCE OF THE KNOWLEDGE OF CHRIST. Why?... well because I desire to have knowledge of Christ... not head knowledge but knowledge that comes from real experience. 

"In the Hebrew understanding the word knowledge is felt; it arises from experience of God in faith and love rather than human investigation. Knowledge is the fruit of a faith-encounter with Jesus as the Christ." -Brennen Manning 

 I think as humans we tend to be driven by success so we equate knowledge as power to get us where we want to be. But through God's eyes He sees us through the blood of Jesus as His perfect creation. He jealously wants all of us and wants to show us all of Him. So what do we do? We seek after the head knowledge thinking the more we know about God the better we are as Christians... but we never count everything else as loss to have experienced the excellence of Jesus. And what did God do? He loved us so much He sent Jesus to come and show us what true knowledge is. He came to restore to us the destiny God had created for us. He came to love us and He did by dying for us knowing obviously through His experience that we would never be able to love Him the way He deserves. We crucified Him, we denied Him, we took Him for granted. But He forgave and loved us anyways. And will always do that as long as we are on this earth. 

Think about why Jesus is amazing. He will show you and be faithful to strengthen your knowledge of His excellence. 

Heart-shattered lives ready for love

This goes out to the brokenhearted and the weak. Those who cry out for mercy and His grace. No matter where you look there is only one source of life. It's not in yourself, others, or circumstances... but in Jesus. In Him is where we find the grace to move forward day to day. In our weakness, fears, and failures His redeeming love proves strong and glorious.  So let us ragamuffins allow our lives to be transformed by His promises. Please take time to read these scriptures below and allow the Lord to speak to you and give you peace and affirmation through His love and truth. 

 

 "Going through the motions doesn't please you, 

      a flawless performance is nothing to you. 

   I learned God- worship 

      when my pride was shattered. 

   Heart-shattered lives ready for love 

      don't for a moment escape God's notice. "

Psalm 51:17-18 Message 

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted;

      he rescues those whose spirits are crushed."

Psalm 34:18 NLT

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and  YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS." Matthew 11:28-29

"For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal." 2 Corinthians  4:17-18

 So when we still feel broken, insecure, and hopeless where do we go? When we are in that dry place and the cries of our hearts are "God I don't know how much more I can handle... I need grace... forgive me.. I can't do this please help me!" and then we hear nothing... so we stand up, wipe away the tears and keep pressing on. I have been there so many times... and in a small voice the Lord shows me JESUS, He knows what it feels like to be facing evil, injustice, and pain. To not feel the presence of the loving Father to come sweep Him away from it all. In the garden Jesus prayed "take this cup of suffering away from me" then hanging beaten on the cross He cried "Abba Father why have You forsaken me?" Despite what he felt He had God's word living inside of Him. In this He made it possible for us to know the Love that He was so close to. So my prayer is that would I have God's word living inside of me. That no matter what is happening I can trust that He is close to my contrite heart... As I am humbled He is glorified... My afflictions are temporary but if my eyes are on Jesus they will be eclipsed by His glory... It's okay to have flaws and to be a mess sometimes because I am a daughter of the Most High clothed in His righteousness. He knows our hearts and what we need. So let Him rescue you and give you His strength!!! Denying what your flesh says and embrace His promises. They endure forever. 

Come!

Have you ever wondered why God choses to use you? Maybe you feel completely inadequate or  overwhelmed to think the God of all creation would put His trust in you. I sometimes laugh praying, "Oh Lord, do You really know what You have gotten Yourself into?... ha ha ha... Your so funny." And then He gently speaks back saying, "Arise, shine my glory in on you! I have no doubts because I know who I have created you to be. I know where you will fall short so I know where I need to bring you more grace. In your weakness I am strong... so my child trust in Who I am." It's that easy, yet for us that hard. Trusting in God and what His word says. From generation to generation He has proven Himself faithful. He doesn't have to use us but He wants to because He loves us and created us for His glory... so why would we ever want to settle for less? Jesus in the fullness of His glory was hanging on a cross; beaten, naked, and fully surrendered to the one He called Abba Father. In that moment on that day  He was crucified for my sin... I can't help but wonder right before He said "it is finished" the thought that went through His mind was... "my purpose here on Earth is done. It was hard and uncomfortable... not really what I expected... but Abba Father it is finished. You are so good... receive Your servant"... At the end of my life I pray that I would have the same peace in knowing what God created me to do.. and who God created me to be will be finished. 

Here I am convicted... for myself and also for the Bride of Christ. Revelation 22:17 says,

 "And the Spirit and the bride say, “Come!” And let him who hears say, “Come!” And let him who thirsts come. Whoever desires, let him take the water of life freely." 

God wants to use His bride to send out a heavenly invitation to everyone... saying COME! Are we corporately and individually there yet? The verse doesn't say the Spirit says Come... it says the Spirit AND the bride say Come. God could do this on His own but He is trusting us because He knows what He has created us to be. He created us to love... inside and outside of the church. To go to the people who we may have once called unclean or common... and call them clean and separated to a Holy God. Even though we may not come out and say it a lot of our actions say "I'm only going to love who I find lovable." Everyone God has created is thirsty and in need of Jesus Christ and His message of love. But instead of arising and speaking out the love and freedom God has for all we let fear, laziness, or judgement distract us from being what God has created us to be. In this we have held back not only in ourselves but what God has given freely to us to give to others. I love in Acts when Peter has the revelation that God wants to pour out His Spirit on ALL people and not just the Jews. The first time He preached the Gospel to Gentiles they were saved and filled with the Holy Spirit. God's love is for everyone and He desires to pour out on everyone. Even thats so simple its so crazy! If we know this then it's time for us to step into what God has created us to be! A light in the darkness... testimony of freedom... and a vessel to proclaim liberty to the captives!!

A new thing... A new me

Isaiah 43:18-19

 “ Do not remember the former things, 
      Nor consider the things of old. 
      Behold, I will do a new thing, 
      Now it shall spring forth; 
      Shall you not know it? 
      I will even make a road in the wilderness 
      And rivers in the desert."

For the past month I have been thinking about the seasons we all go through as children of God. I think I have been thinking about it so much because not only do I not fully understand why God wants to take us through seasons but because I find myself in a place where I'm constantly comparing the season I am in now to previous ones I have had in the past. The wise King Solomon states the there is a time for everything under the sun. He also says God makes all things beautiful in IT's time. So here I am sitting here asking God "what is IT?" How can I know what you are making beautiful if you don't tell me what "IT" is! For you it could be character, a relationship with a friend or family member, your future, your past. Whatever "IT" is we can stand on God's promise that one day in "IT's" time it will be beautiful. For me right now my "IT" is this season I am in right now and my heart that God is molding, shaping, and breaking right in His hands. As He is doing this I am forced to look at myself and who I am. I knew who I was in the seasons before but here now I'm not sure I do. Not because I don't know who God says I am but because for so long I have been comparing who I am now to who I once was. I have been comparing how I experience God now to how I once did... and it has taken me to a place of confusion and even condemnation. Maybe some of you know what I am talking about and if you don't maybe one day you will. But God is saying now... "Im doing a new thing  stop looking at who you once were in the former times because it is causing you to miss what I am doing now!" Hearing Him say this to me is such a relief... I don't have to be that same girl I once was... not that she wasn't doing and being who God wanted her to be but because now He is doing a new thing and it doesn't have to look like the old. And I can let go... we all can let go of that fear of not measuring up and instead just be who He created us to be for such a time as this and rest in His grace with the understanding that He is making us beautiful and sometimes the timing doesn't go with ours but thats ok. We can relax and give it to God and allow Him to take us to heavenly places where we can see timing from His view. A wise woman once told me, "Until you learn what God is teaching you in this season He wont take you to the next." God is faithful and has the road prepared before us to get us to place where He wants us to be... to teach us exactly what it is that we need to know. And rivers to give us strength and refreshment even in the driest of places... sometimes its so simple... today I make the choice to sit at the table of the Lord and just sit and eat ice cream with Him. That is what He is teaching me... just to go to that place where all that matters and all that I have is in Him. I don't need to be looking back at yesterday... but just being in that moment with Him and not comparing what I think joy should look like... or what I think intimacy is... but seeing He has created a new thing and I don't want to miss that. I hope whoever reads this will do the same. :)